Re-defining 'Coming Home'

I would never know. Life itself is full of twists for Man can change so that they can grow.

I remember that despite numerous embarrassing rejections, I fought my way back home even when I am not welcomed. I fought because I believed that I had a responsibility to her.

After 6 years, pushed to her last fortification, she then realises she cannot have the best of both worlds. She has to sacrifice one, so that she can have the other. She is needed more at the other to take care of the majority of the family whom she knows they would not be able to take care of themselves.

Her fight is over. She has finally decided to settle for the greater good. And that also means the discarding of the lesser - me.

I forgive myself and her and others, so that I can be free from them and they can be free from me. At the end, I have to find my home where the search has been postponed for so long due to the wilfulness of myself and some others.

For now, a word for the emotional being of myself - homeless.

View ourselves in the mirror

In the line of people developers, we all know that one of the best methods to train personnel would be to lead by example. We always give this advice, to only find out we are not walking the talk.

We love to be late while preaching punctuality.

We love to consume extravagantly while preaching good saving habits.

We love to complain while preaching positivity.

We love to think that we are masters of our own fate while preaching compromising and giving in to others.

... blah blah blah...

So why is accepting yourself - your flaws and strengths - considered incorrect? Walk the talk. Talk the walk. Otherwise, we are just imposing on others.

Supermen and Superwomen

Being supermen and superwomen, instead of doing what we should be doing, we should let others know what we are capable of by doing other stuff as well.

To show that we are sincere in our philosophy, some of us went to be part-time volunteers by cleaning the void decks of HDB blocks. (No. of blocks not less than 10)

To show our perseverance, we would spend 10 minutes of fiddling with the uncooperative speaker rather than raise our voices to just deliver a one-sentenced instruction.

To show our positiveness, we would never acknowledge the negative aspects even if they may hit us right on in our faces.

This is our pledge to be Uber men and Uber women.

Short-sightedness

Called in by Lady Boss.

"What's your preference?" she asked, as according to a few choices I could have for my future job scope for the next half a year.

"Well, I am really interested in option C," I replied. To be positive, to show understanding, I have to add in, "Of course, that is just my preference. I will still adhere to the organisation's needs."

Lady Boss nodded and repeated my added point too, as if I do not fully understand that. She said, "I called you in to find out about your preferences, so we can decide on your deployment."

Sounds nice and understanding. 100 points to consideration. Then, (lol), things went down the drain, when she said, "We were thinking of giving you option A."

Hmm... So they have actually already decided. Crap... I have erred in the very beginning. My preference should be what they have thought in the first place.

The whole thing really felt like a game. I did not understand the rules then. I have to start revising my leadership course I took - Let them think they have their choices. Let them feel that you sympathise and empathise with them. SO THAT they would be less resistant to the decisions that affect them.

Weird game.

Reminder. Don't ever forget...

One reason that the 'straywolf' persona was created would be based on the word 'stray'. An inner feeling already concludes that the 'wolf' would never know a home, nor family. God helps the wolf, for no one can always be there for the 'wolf'. Too many shackles have not allowed the wolf to have a new start. And the wolf's eyes are always clouded by the environment it has always been in - harsh, cold and devoid of family warmth.

Once the wolf has become a dire wolf. For it realised then that its sole weakness would be its soft-heartedness. It cares. And thus it can be hurt.

The straywolf came back, instead of the dire wolf because of certain influences from the people about it. And it was hurt again, because it discarded its thick, impenetrable fur of a dire wolf. Has it made a wrong decision then to not be entirely the dire wolf?

Do not ever forget. Hurt is everywhere and overcoming it is a most torturous path but the wolf would not give up - either as a stray or as a dire.

Heading towards a new start...

Finally after 4 years of strife, the wolf finally sees a bright future beyond. A road which can lead to paradise. A road which can lead to freedom and happiness. A road to lead out of its vicious cycle.

Yet as it neared the road to paradise, it realises it still cannot sprint. It wants to bound forth, with newfound energy but it still cannot run faster than it can walk. It turns its head, puzzled.

It then realises the reason. The metal shackles on its feet are still there. The shackles which are weighted down by the past issues are still there. No matter how hard it pushes itself to move on, the shackles are still there. And the entity, which put them on, remains, its dark influence pulsating.

How then can it move forth?

Life's only as complicated as we make it to be

Life is never complicated. We are the ones who choose to make it as complicated as we make it to be.

Technology seems to be one factor where it can involve complication. I thought it was supposed to make life more convenient. It allows me to work while I am traveling, it allows me to do research anywhere anytime. It allows me to be portable.

Yet I don't feel happy. For apparent reasons... I am too caught up with work to be in touch with the things around us.

So today, I put down my work and I look up. I thought I could meet someone's gaze and smile at that someone, just to connect. I only saw peoples' heads bowed, their sight riveted to their NDS, phones and PSPs.

I wonder if that makes me feel better.