The change in era

An era has not passed yet...

Yet... the wolf could feel the change in its brittle ancient bones...

Of the four entities,

War has been tamed...

Pestilence domesticated...

Two remain as the last of their unique kind.

Moving on...

How does one move on when everyone is gone?

Once the wolf has fought to be stronger and fought to be meaner, for the purpose of assuring those who care for it that it is alright on its own. It chose its path carefully based on its wish and others' wishes upon it.

Yet now that those who have cared for it have moved on, it has lost half the motivation for whatever it has done. Yes, it has become stronger. Yes, it is smarter. Yet there is no one to acknowledge that.

Those who acknowledged were the harsh plains, deserts, and forests ahead. The environment would acknowledge its strength to walk among them, without being hunted. It may have lost its motivation and purpose, but the strength within it remains a certainty...

Sidetracking - bad childhood

Wondered why I was coerced into this...

Level 1:
[x]Sleep in class (can't help it)
[x]Talked in class
[ ]Not seating at your own place in class
[]Scolded by a teacher (strange isn't it?)
[ ]Litter the classroom
[x]Did not do your homework at least 15 times
[ ]Submitted your homework late at least 10 times
[]Came late for school at least 10 times
[]brought/wore home clothes without school's permission
[ ]brought/wore jewellery to school
[x]did not pay attention in class for at least 60% of the time
[ ]cried out "sian" or "wa lao wei" to the teacher
[ ]plucked a flower/ killed a plant in school
[]copied other people's homework in desperation (too much pride)
[x]played a trick on your classmates/teacher

Level 2:[ ]sent for detention class
[]late in class
[]not wearing your school uniform properly
[x]shouted at the top of your voice during lesson time
[x]scolding vulgarities in class
[ ]spotted hairstyle deemed unacceptable by the school
[x ]used a school facility without school's permission
[x ]played soccer/basketball or any other sports in classroom
[]singing loudly during lesson
[]walking around the class aimlessly during lesson time
[]did not greet the teacher properly
[ ]went to the toilet during lesson time without permission
[]played a trick on the teacher during april fools
[ ]used the teacher's table as a rubbish dump
[]made yourself a nuisance to the teacher

Level 3:
[]was asked to stay back after school/ break time
[ ]made a fool out of morning assembly
[ ]wasted the school's toilet paper
[ ]sabotaged someone
[x]irritated someone

Level 4:
[]forged your parent's signature
[ ]forged a classmate's signature
[ ]forged a teacher's signature
[ ]made rude remarks to the school cleaners in front of them
[ ]flew a paper aeroplane down from the school from at least the fifth storey

Level 5:
[]fiddling with your handphone during lesson time
[ ]played with your PSP in school
[ ]using school computer to play games without a teacher's permission
[ ]listened to an MP3 player in school
[ ]messed with the teacher's pigeon hole

Level 6:
[x]vandalising with school property (does crashing through a window count?)
[ ]tried to defame your school in public
[ ]used the internet to scold teachers
[X ]fought with someone in school
[ ]shoplifted in school

Level 7:
[ ]cheated in a class test (Don't need to cheat at all cuz I AM GOOD!)
[ ]cheated in a school examination
[ ]cheated for your PSLE/ GCE 'O' or 'A' Level Examination
[]Lied to your teacher
[ ]played truancy for hall assemblies/ specific lessons

Level 8:
[ ]took drugs in school
[ ]smoked in school
[ ]set fire to something in the school
[ ]locked the teacher out of the classroom
[ ]played truancy just after coming to school just to take attendance

Level 9:
[ ]refused to pay school fees
[ ]cheated the school money
[ ]stole things which belonged to the school
[x]bullied someone in school[ ]pranked called your school

Level 10:
[x]raised your voice/shouted against a student leader
[X]raised your voice/shouted against a teacher
[ ]raised your voice/shouted against your discipline master/mistress
[ ]raised your voice/shouted against your vice-principal
[ ]raised your voice/shouted against your principal

Level 11:
[ ]brought weapons to the school
[ ]brought real firearms to the school
[ ]brought a real bomb to the school
[ ]fired a real weapon in the school with the motive to frighten/kill
[ ]dressed up as a terrorist to school
(level 11 is seriously weird)

Grand total : 15

If you are between 0-15-------------{I am a good student}
If you are between 16-20------------{I am a good student but with occasional trouble}
If you are between 21-30------------{I am an average student}
If you are between 31-40------------{I am a bad student}
If you are between 41-50------------{I am a very bad student}
If you are between 51-60------------{I should have been caned by the discipline master}
If you are between 61-65------------{I should have been expelled from school}
If you are between 66-75------------{I should have been sent to a reformatory centre}

Banishment

"Banishment killed most victims in the past societies, when the world beyond their little village or town or city was harsh, when survival could not be purchased without the coin of cooperation. No graver punishment was possible then. It was humans' structure of needing company around them that when one was cast out, it would incur devastation upon that person. Banished victims crumpled into themselves, abandoning all skills that could serve to sustain them. They withered and died..." (Modified from Reaper's Gale by Steven Erikson)

As I read this excerpt, I knew my blog title was no longer valid. "Coming back home" has spiraled downwards to "Exile from Home". In the past, though being stray, at least I knew there was home. Now, home has lost its meaning to me. Warmth in home, support in home, home sweet home... These phrases are meaningless to me.

Initially, I was still OK with it. The transition in my worklife and the need to find shelter above my head help keep me occupied. They kept me away from fully realising the implications. Now when I am finally and have some time for myself, I wonder where I am headed next. A large part of our life is attached to our homes, be it whether we like it or not. To rip away "home" from a person is tantamount to ripping a large part of life from him or her.

If I persist in these negative thoughts, I would most likely also "crumple into myself, abandon my skills that could serve to sustain me, wither and die..."

No. Banishment has something in store for me. Total freedom. Freedom to go forth and do what I want to really do. It is with grieve that I have to leave home, but it is also the chance to be a full-fledged butterfly from the safety of the cocoon.

Movie Review (Land before Time) [Set A]

[Acknowledgements to unknown contributer and many thanks to the contributer who makes learning fun for people in need]

As the film opens, the narrator (Pat Hingle) explains that a drought is occurring. To escape it the dinosaurs are migrating in search of the "Great Valley," a lush, Utopian paradise. A "Longneck" (Apatosaurus) herd gives birth to a single baby, named Littlefoot (Gabriel Damon). As he grows older, his mother (Helen Shaver) tells him of the Great Valley, and informs him of the prejudice between the different dinosaur species when he tries to play with a "Threehorn" (Triceratops) girl named Cera (Candace Hutson), but her father (Burke Byrnes) stops him. That night, Cera and Littlefoot meet again, and play together for a while until a "Sharptooth" (Tyrannosaurus) attacks. Littlefoot's mother intervenes, battling with the Sharptooth and suffering severe injuries, but managing to defeat him by pushing him into a deep chasm. At the same time, an "earthshake" (earthquake) occurs, opening a deep ravine in the ground, which swallows up the Sharptooth and a great deal of other dinosaurs, and separates many herds, including Littlefoot's and Cera's. Littlefoot finds his mother when the earthquake ends, but she is mortally wounded, and dies.


Feeling depressed and confused, Littlefoot accidentally slides down a ravine, where he meets an old armored dinosaur named Rooter (Pat Hingle), who consoles him upon learning of his mother's death. After mourning for some time, Littlefoot hears his mother speak to him through his heart, and reminds him how to reach the Great Valley and soon finds Cera and asks her to join him, but she refuses. He later meets a cheerful "Bigmouth" (Parasaurolophus) named Ducky (Judith Barsi), who asks to join him. As they travel, and try to find food along the way, they encounter an aerophobic "Flyer" (Pteranodon) named Petrie (Will Ryan), who joins them on their quest. Meanwhile, Cera encounters a comatose Sharptooth, whom she believes to be dead, and charges at mischievously, though this accidentally awakens him. As she flees, she meets up with the others and warns them about the Sharptooth; Littlefoot does not believe her, being convinced that Sharptooth is dead. As Cera describes the encounter (exaggerating her bravery), she accidentally flings Ducky near a patch of grass, which has a hatching egg containing a baby "Spiketail" (Stegosaurus). Ducky names him Spike and brings him into their band.
Seeking the Great Valley, they find a river leading to a cluster of trees, which is rapidly depleted by a herd of starving sauropods. Searching for remaining growth, they discover a single leaf-bearing tree, and obtain food by piling atop each other to reach it and pull it down. Cera remains aloof and arrogant, boasting that she is independent, but at nightfall, she, along with the others, gravitates to Littlefoot's sleeping nest for warmth and companionship. The Sharptooth attacks them in the morning, but they escape through a cave-tunnel too small to admit him, and discover a Longneck-shaped monolith mentioned by Littlefoot's mother. Although they pass other landmarks she mentioned, such as a string of volcanoes, Cera grows impatient as the search begins to yield no results and quarrels with Littlefoot, causing a schism in the little herd. Littlefoot continues in the direction he was told, while the others follow Cera, who goes another way. As Ducky, Spike and Petrie fall into danger involving a lava barrier and a tar pit, Littlefoot comes and rescues them. They then save Cera from an aggressive herd of Pachycephalosaurus while disguised as a giant tar-monster, which frightens Cera. Angry, humiliated and heartbroken, Cera tearfully leaves the group.



The next day, the others are frolicking in a pond when the Sharptooth appears nearby. Determined to defeat him, Littlefoot formulates a plan to lure him to the deep end of the pond, drop a large rock from the edge of a nearby cliff onto his head, and thus drown him. As Ducky lures him to the water, Littlefoot and Spike have trouble moving the rock. During the proceeding struggle, a hot draft from Sharptooth's nostrils enables Petrie to master his powers of flight. Sharptooth jumps onto the rock Littlefoot and Spike are pushing, taking Ducky and Petrie with him to where they are. At that moment, Cera shows up and helps the plan to be completed; defeating Sharptooth for good. But Sharptooth grabs Petrie in his jaws as he falls towards the water and they both fall in. After a few tense moments, Petrie emerges from the water alive. Sharptooth however is not seen or found and is presumed dead. Littlefoot then follows a cloud that looks like his mother. The cloud leads him to the Great Valley, where the children's surviving relatives are already settled. Petrie and Ducky rejoin their families, and Ducky's family adopts Spike. Cera reunites with her father, and Littlefoot joins his grandparents. The film concludes with an indication of the protagonists' companionship.

Independence Day

Long long time ago, there was already the problem that Father Hedgehog is not pleased with the Hedgehog Son. It did not help that Hedgehog Son failed one major test and Father Hedgehog harped and harped on Hedgehog Son. Father Hedgehog no longer wanted anything to do with the failure Hedgehog Son and ordered him to get out.

Mother Hedgehog and Sister Hedgehog were sad. However, Father Hedgehog holds the highest authority or rather Mother Hedgehog and Sister Hedgehog did not want to aggravate matters. So to appease the rule of majority, Hedgehog Son is therefore declared to be abandoned.

Fortunately for Hedgehog Son, he got to know of a very good and close friend who helped him find a new place to live. The friend also helped by listening and consoling Hedgehog Son.

Now Hedgehog Son is on his way to be finally independent!

New values - Prestige and Glam

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Drained...

I am being attacked by emotional leeches. I am now literally going to be homeless unless I find a place soon. (Let me know if there is any place for me to stay lol) And on top of all these, there have to be other issues piled up together. It really coincides with Murphy's laws, just that I forgot to obey the most important clause - Prepare. I have not really prepared myself mentally and emotionally.

Yet I know things will work out. The other aspects are already being prepared along the way, to make transition smoother. They will work out, not because they have to work out, but I believe they will work out. I am already visualising my new place which I hope to call 'my home' for some time.

P.S. Do you know that due to our tampering with Mother Nature, even these sort of medicinal leeches are going to be endangered?

Re-defining 'Coming Home'

I would never know. Life itself is full of twists for Man can change so that they can grow.

I remember that despite numerous embarrassing rejections, I fought my way back home even when I am not welcomed. I fought because I believed that I had a responsibility to her.

After 6 years, pushed to her last fortification, she then realises she cannot have the best of both worlds. She has to sacrifice one, so that she can have the other. She is needed more at the other to take care of the majority of the family whom she knows they would not be able to take care of themselves.

Her fight is over. She has finally decided to settle for the greater good. And that also means the discarding of the lesser - me.

I forgive myself and her and others, so that I can be free from them and they can be free from me. At the end, I have to find my home where the search has been postponed for so long due to the wilfulness of myself and some others.

For now, a word for the emotional being of myself - homeless.

View ourselves in the mirror

In the line of people developers, we all know that one of the best methods to train personnel would be to lead by example. We always give this advice, to only find out we are not walking the talk.

We love to be late while preaching punctuality.

We love to consume extravagantly while preaching good saving habits.

We love to complain while preaching positivity.

We love to think that we are masters of our own fate while preaching compromising and giving in to others.

... blah blah blah...

So why is accepting yourself - your flaws and strengths - considered incorrect? Walk the talk. Talk the walk. Otherwise, we are just imposing on others.

Supermen and Superwomen

Being supermen and superwomen, instead of doing what we should be doing, we should let others know what we are capable of by doing other stuff as well.

To show that we are sincere in our philosophy, some of us went to be part-time volunteers by cleaning the void decks of HDB blocks. (No. of blocks not less than 10)

To show our perseverance, we would spend 10 minutes of fiddling with the uncooperative speaker rather than raise our voices to just deliver a one-sentenced instruction.

To show our positiveness, we would never acknowledge the negative aspects even if they may hit us right on in our faces.

This is our pledge to be Uber men and Uber women.

Short-sightedness

Called in by Lady Boss.

"What's your preference?" she asked, as according to a few choices I could have for my future job scope for the next half a year.

"Well, I am really interested in option C," I replied. To be positive, to show understanding, I have to add in, "Of course, that is just my preference. I will still adhere to the organisation's needs."

Lady Boss nodded and repeated my added point too, as if I do not fully understand that. She said, "I called you in to find out about your preferences, so we can decide on your deployment."

Sounds nice and understanding. 100 points to consideration. Then, (lol), things went down the drain, when she said, "We were thinking of giving you option A."

Hmm... So they have actually already decided. Crap... I have erred in the very beginning. My preference should be what they have thought in the first place.

The whole thing really felt like a game. I did not understand the rules then. I have to start revising my leadership course I took - Let them think they have their choices. Let them feel that you sympathise and empathise with them. SO THAT they would be less resistant to the decisions that affect them.

Weird game.

Reminder. Don't ever forget...

One reason that the 'straywolf' persona was created would be based on the word 'stray'. An inner feeling already concludes that the 'wolf' would never know a home, nor family. God helps the wolf, for no one can always be there for the 'wolf'. Too many shackles have not allowed the wolf to have a new start. And the wolf's eyes are always clouded by the environment it has always been in - harsh, cold and devoid of family warmth.

Once the wolf has become a dire wolf. For it realised then that its sole weakness would be its soft-heartedness. It cares. And thus it can be hurt.

The straywolf came back, instead of the dire wolf because of certain influences from the people about it. And it was hurt again, because it discarded its thick, impenetrable fur of a dire wolf. Has it made a wrong decision then to not be entirely the dire wolf?

Do not ever forget. Hurt is everywhere and overcoming it is a most torturous path but the wolf would not give up - either as a stray or as a dire.

Heading towards a new start...

Finally after 4 years of strife, the wolf finally sees a bright future beyond. A road which can lead to paradise. A road which can lead to freedom and happiness. A road to lead out of its vicious cycle.

Yet as it neared the road to paradise, it realises it still cannot sprint. It wants to bound forth, with newfound energy but it still cannot run faster than it can walk. It turns its head, puzzled.

It then realises the reason. The metal shackles on its feet are still there. The shackles which are weighted down by the past issues are still there. No matter how hard it pushes itself to move on, the shackles are still there. And the entity, which put them on, remains, its dark influence pulsating.

How then can it move forth?

Life's only as complicated as we make it to be

Life is never complicated. We are the ones who choose to make it as complicated as we make it to be.

Technology seems to be one factor where it can involve complication. I thought it was supposed to make life more convenient. It allows me to work while I am traveling, it allows me to do research anywhere anytime. It allows me to be portable.

Yet I don't feel happy. For apparent reasons... I am too caught up with work to be in touch with the things around us.

So today, I put down my work and I look up. I thought I could meet someone's gaze and smile at that someone, just to connect. I only saw peoples' heads bowed, their sight riveted to their NDS, phones and PSPs.

I wonder if that makes me feel better.

Drunk...

Never thought much about alcohol, some people would say. It just gets people woozy, puke all around the place without worrying about the people who have to clean up after them.

It just gets people trying their best to walk or drive in straight lines without worrying about the people or cars who have to do their best not to collide.

It just gets people so brave without worrying if their tones or brash actions would hurt the people they love.

It just gets people boasting about their alcohol intake capacity without worrying their overworked liver may, one day, quit on them.

We will just take it in moderation, the people would say. We can control. Tell that to the drug addicts, the gambling addicts, the game addicts, the shopping addicts, the bubble-tea addicts. What is the statistics? Will more than 4 out of 10 control or go on rampage?

Well, it doesn't really matter to me, except that I seem a bit woozy on the couch. Is my fur all crooked? Am I looking good in this picture?

Angels and Demons *novel spoiler*

People’s faith and their spiritual well-being versus the cold immaculate logic. God versus Science.

There would always be people who have the mentality that God and Science cannot co-exist. Will you accept that the proof of God can lie in a test-tube and that it can be proven in the lab instead of through the heart and miracles? Or have you never considered this implication at all while thinking that Science can be used to support God’s existence?

There will be arguments that science and God can co-exist, and there can be a balance. Yet is it really generally true? Or is it just the society’s falsified truth? Look at the destruction of nature around us. Nowadays, it is indeed disappointing to hear from people that nature is just limited to the park, nature reserves and zoos. Only an average of 30%- 40% of the forests in the world still remain (can be referred). We are just simply consoling ourselves.

And one more interesting question brought up would be the definition of God. In the eyes of the linguists, it is still debatable whether God is definitive, or connotative, meaning if God is concrete and real, or being abstract? Out in the world, there would be people who seeks the truth after God in the name of science. Some of them may come to the conclusion that God is something beyond, a higher power, and they may not believe in God as others say through the bible and pastors where God is defined by His Word and that would be the bible.

In personal view, in this present era, I feel that the truth may be more warped than ever, for there is a large number of people walking the path of God in the aspects of the bible which are convenient to them. There is struggle, but many can settle for just compromising to the majority and this is also one issue brought up in the book itself as well.

In the novel, there is the introduction of this concept, according to my interpretation. Science is causing Man to advance too fast for their spiritual development to catch up. That is why when new technological prospects come up, the scientists may be tempted to breach the ethical code in the name of research, or that people are more tempted to try out the destructive side of the technological prospect than the productive side of the technological prospect. One hard and cold evidence would simply be the technology in nuclear. Nuclear was first used as a weapon before it is used as a means of providing energy to the consumers.

The novel itself opens up more grey area between humans' faith and truths, where the truth may actually cast us in despair while the lie, which is not supposed to be condone, will set many free.

Loss

The Entity provokes. Once a while, an arrow flew from ahead, the metal head thudding into the ground just at its front paws. The wolf narrows its eyes. Once in the long past, it would have flinched and yelped. Only recently, it would also have snarled and broken the arrow. However, it now only looks at the entity with narrowed eyes.

Very soon, the Entity will send forth its foes again, but not at the moment, and the wolf feels the urgency to stop and take stock of its surroundings before it is lost once again in the senseless violence.

Being a stray, the wolf knows it walks a different path than the others. Yet it cannot even see the others now. It seems that they are so far off. Or rather in its fight to survive, it has travelled further away from the others. The Entity has succeeded in distracting it from the path it was taking for such a long time.

Vaguely, the dire wolf could remember the Paradise, where the Moon flower resided. It left the Paradise out of shame, an outcast, for it was then robbed of its strength. Some Paradise it was. Yet its heart ached as it remembered the vibrant colours reflected off the Moon flower.
Vaguely, the dire wolf could remember of the companions whom had tried journeying with the wolf. There was a female fox and a bear whom had tried to extend their friendship to it. The wolf left them for it hesitated to take the path they were taking.

There was a simple dove who hanged around for some time before leaving it, because the wolf paid scant attention to it.

There was the hyper beagle whom it did not know how to relate to.

There was the shy rabbit where it felt it could not travel with because of its situation.

And lastly there is the loyal dog whom keeps its bullish head down and braves the obstacles and the tempers of the wolf. The loyal dog. The wolf turns slightly. The dog is still there, some distance away, chasing its own tail. The wolf shakes its head, wondering if the dog is this stupid to follow through the bloody mayhem. No, the dog has only just joined the wolf when the battles were less intense.

Yet it is through this companionship with this loyal dog, it saw that it could no longer travel with an alpha male wolf which has extended its paw of friendship. Truth to be told, the dire wolf admires the alpha male wolf but as nature dictates, the alpha male keeps its own counsel and the dire wolf is not a pack creature at all, leading to the brief skirmish of exchanging snaps from the jaws. It was a brief fight, with some intense injuries. The dire wolf could feel the scars.

Where are the companions of old? The wolf asks itself. The Man’s friend, another dog, is now at a distant land, caught up with its devices. The Gorilla seems to travel further into the forest. Last the wolf heard, the Gorilla is now evolving into a Silverback.

And yes, the stray wolf has also evolved into a dire stray wolf. At what cost? This land is totally barren, leading to nowhere. There is only blood and more blood. The Great Path is lost to it.

It howls in remembrance.

*In our pursuit for certain ideals, we sacrifice some things which we feel worth it to. Are they really not as precious?*

Does it have a choice?

It stops because it cannot see what is beyond ahead. It thought it knew where it was headed, but yet after so long, it now wonders if it really knows.

From that fatal day in 2003 when it was forced to depart from the Paradise, it has been encountering foes and obstacles and its survival instincts had taken over then where it has been running ever since, moving on despite the overwhelming odds. Its survival instincts have been the driving force and the whip for it to continue to move on even when it was at a loss, not knowing what best course it could take.

It stops now for it is no longer afraid. It has become a dire wolf, a wolf of horror and no compassion. It has recognized the entity which has been the sole cause of all the mayhem. Already now, the entity has placed itself at the path ahead, ready to spawn more foes and obstacles.

The wolf can go forth ahead and do battle again. And there will be more battles and more battles ahead as well. It stops, shaking its immense head, trying to see through the haze of blood. What is the meaning in life if it simply just fights on and on? Yet if it does not fight, it will only fall prey to the foes and obstacles spawned by the entity.

The wolf growled.

*We often impose the perception that we make our own choices on others, not understanding sometimes to make their own choices, the cost is too great.*

The movie ‘Knowing’ *includes spoilers*

“Do you know wolves are born deaf?”

“Yet as they grow older, they can even hear another wolf’s howl a mile away.”

I personally felt these lines were cool, but they were just part of the banter exchanged by Caleb and Abbey, the chosen ones.
What was really interesting was that Doomsday did occur. Global warming did not matter. Pollution did not matter. What mattered was that the scientists did a miscalculation of the extent of a solar flare. What seemed to be just a solar flare which would affect communications turned out to be the end of the world when the solar flare actually burned up the ozone layer and burned down Earth itself.

What was most interesting were the concepts or theories brought up.

1. Do all things happen for a purpose or are they just random coincidences? (God has a plan for all versus non-believers).

2. Do we have living things outside Earth? (We cannot be 100% sure. In this era’s interpretations of the bible, ‘No’ despite the billions of galaxies and stars out there)

3. Are you sure Earth exists on purpose at this particular distance from this particular Sun for us to exist? Or do we just happen to be here without any purpose?

4. It was well-recorded in the past, people record history using metaphors. Could God be definitive or connotative?

5. We were cast out by ‘God’ from the Garden of Eden. Is the Garden somewhere on Earth but in another plane of dimension OR is the Garden on another planet? (as shown by the tree of life in another planet in the Knowing at the end)

Visit from an old friend

In the past, I would not view it as an old friend. Yet when I was always alone and lonely, it would come and visit. Then when I am not alone, it will stay at the bylines.

It has always been like this for years. Then last night, it visited when I was not alone and lonely. That was a first.

Because of its visit, I was reminded of whom I was. I have lost myself and it came to remind me, to let me see the path back home...

I was thankful to it. My old friend is Insomnia.